Connnecting University of Florida's Black Alumni
Divorce: The Cowards Way Out
This post was inspired by the "celebration" of Halle Berry's new baby. Yet another addition to the statistic that show marriage is no longer valued and that Blacks still cannot grasp the devastation to our "community" generated by a staggering 70% OUT OF WEDLOCK BIRTHRATE! The internal sin we refuse to address yet the one that continues to see us crippled with no hope (that is right) in sight.
We want the damned government to address all the symptoms caused by this root malady yet for some reason ignore the fact, our doomed to failure baby producing mechanism is killing our "collective" ability to achieve and ultimately progress.
Tell me you too are not absolutely sick and tired of hearing women proclaiming themselves a "single-mother" as if that is some freakin' badge of honor deserving respect and sympathy. Negrettes PLEASE!
What? Halle is not married?
Was this baby conceived and born out of wedlock? Of course it was. And who cares? Certainly not the "black community." No wonder Black folk have been so silent on Gov. Sarah Palin and her daughter. We have no room to talk.
Chalk it up to Hollywood and unfortunately a new drt of Godless "American" values. No matter. Even "happily married" couples who supposedly do it right can't seem to find the solution to happiness either and EGADS, do not even seek to try. "I am not happy." "I deserve better." Do these pathetic refrains sound familiar?
First it was slavery which threw the Black family cohesiveness under the bus and then it was welfare, then feminism, then Oprah, then Lifetime TV, then Dr. Phil, then Tyler Perry, then Jerome Eric Dickey, then Zane and now just the simple ease with which one or the other can just decide one day they do not love the person they once pledged their life and soul to and run to some nebulous White man in a black robe who has known neither of you for more than a few minutes nor cares about your fate past his next case to now decide how the rest of their and unfortunately their INNOCENT CHILDREN'S LIVES are going to be run.
The funniest part about this sad African-American story is that many of the very cowardly culprits high on the need for instant self-gratification in a marriage are the very same fakes and phonies touting their oh so prestigious memberships in CHRISTIAN-BASED, FAMILY-STRENGTHENING AND SUSTAINING organizations such as the local church, mosque, synagogue, Jack and Jill of America, The 100 Black Men of America and other organizations designed to combat the very family dysfunction we the members thereof foster at home.
Instead of acting like sane grown adults with critical problem solving skills available between us, as typical lazy Americans, we instead run to have someone else who gives less than a damn about us "solve" our most intimate issues. We get so wrapped up in what others (who have their own issues to deal with by the way) say we should do and the need to be proven right and carrying one dumb decision after another through as opposed to believing that even though the night is dark, that joy will come in the morning if you simply believe and apply some elbow grease to whatever issues plague the relationship.
It is NEVER too late to repair a broken relationship or hurting heart. Yes, it takes courage and intestinal fortitude, but it can be done if LOVE was the true premise the relationship was built on and what you also pledge to GOD it was based on when all was white dress, wine and revelry. People can and DO CHANGE when given the chance and the knowledge they need to do so.
The Black family is no more. People simply do not value their vows and their commitments to each other nor the ideal family structure anymore. What is more disturbing is that the vows are more often recited in a church before God and His Son Jesus Christ only to mean absolutely NOTHING as soon as one of the spouses decides that "What God puts together let no man put asunder" or "...for better or for WORSE" or "...until death do us part" do not mean a freakin' thing anymore.
Instant gratification and the immediate need to be happy as opposed to WORKING WITH EACH OTHER to create that desired happiness (whatever the hell that means these days).
Just like with anything else these days, people are too lazy to try and work together to fix what is broken. Nawwww. That takes effort. Instead people simply run and seek the proverbial greener grass on the other side of the street only to later be even more disappointed in what they thought was better. Now what you have is a TWO time loser and yet another angry Black person roaming the streets lurking in wait to screw up some other person's life.
Get a grip people!
Yes. The baby is indeed beautiful. Aren't they all.....wait.. do not answer that! LOL
We want the damned government to address all the symptoms caused by this root malady yet for some reason ignore the fact, our doomed to failure baby producing mechanism is killing our "collective" ability to achieve and ultimately progress.
Tell me you too are not absolutely sick and tired of hearing women proclaiming themselves a "single-mother" as if that is some freakin' badge of honor deserving respect and sympathy. Negrettes PLEASE!
What? Halle is not married?
Was this baby conceived and born out of wedlock? Of course it was. And who cares? Certainly not the "black community." No wonder Black folk have been so silent on Gov. Sarah Palin and her daughter. We have no room to talk.
Chalk it up to Hollywood and unfortunately a new drt of Godless "American" values. No matter. Even "happily married" couples who supposedly do it right can't seem to find the solution to happiness either and EGADS, do not even seek to try. "I am not happy." "I deserve better." Do these pathetic refrains sound familiar?
First it was slavery which threw the Black family cohesiveness under the bus and then it was welfare, then feminism, then Oprah, then Lifetime TV, then Dr. Phil, then Tyler Perry, then Jerome Eric Dickey, then Zane and now just the simple ease with which one or the other can just decide one day they do not love the person they once pledged their life and soul to and run to some nebulous White man in a black robe who has known neither of you for more than a few minutes nor cares about your fate past his next case to now decide how the rest of their and unfortunately their INNOCENT CHILDREN'S LIVES are going to be run.
The funniest part about this sad African-American story is that many of the very cowardly culprits high on the need for instant self-gratification in a marriage are the very same fakes and phonies touting their oh so prestigious memberships in CHRISTIAN-BASED, FAMILY-STRENGTHENING AND SUSTAINING organizations such as the local church, mosque, synagogue, Jack and Jill of America, The 100 Black Men of America and other organizations designed to combat the very family dysfunction we the members thereof foster at home.
Instead of acting like sane grown adults with critical problem solving skills available between us, as typical lazy Americans, we instead run to have someone else who gives less than a damn about us "solve" our most intimate issues. We get so wrapped up in what others (who have their own issues to deal with by the way) say we should do and the need to be proven right and carrying one dumb decision after another through as opposed to believing that even though the night is dark, that joy will come in the morning if you simply believe and apply some elbow grease to whatever issues plague the relationship.
It is NEVER too late to repair a broken relationship or hurting heart. Yes, it takes courage and intestinal fortitude, but it can be done if LOVE was the true premise the relationship was built on and what you also pledge to GOD it was based on when all was white dress, wine and revelry. People can and DO CHANGE when given the chance and the knowledge they need to do so.
The Black family is no more. People simply do not value their vows and their commitments to each other nor the ideal family structure anymore. What is more disturbing is that the vows are more often recited in a church before God and His Son Jesus Christ only to mean absolutely NOTHING as soon as one of the spouses decides that "What God puts together let no man put asunder" or "...for better or for WORSE" or "...until death do us part" do not mean a freakin' thing anymore.
Instant gratification and the immediate need to be happy as opposed to WORKING WITH EACH OTHER to create that desired happiness (whatever the hell that means these days).
Just like with anything else these days, people are too lazy to try and work together to fix what is broken. Nawwww. That takes effort. Instead people simply run and seek the proverbial greener grass on the other side of the street only to later be even more disappointed in what they thought was better. Now what you have is a TWO time loser and yet another angry Black person roaming the streets lurking in wait to screw up some other person's life.
Get a grip people!
Yes. The baby is indeed beautiful. Aren't they all.....wait.. do not answer that! LOL
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Raymond C. Coleman on -
Sixty percent of all first marriages end in divorce these days and for those of you who are "not happy" and "deserve better?" SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT of all second marriages fail!!!
Wanna make an easy buck (not the biggest ones)? Go to law school and specialize in family law. Like taking money from a scorned, angry spouse who is emoting as opposed to THINKING!
URGENT MESSAGE TO THE FELLAS!!! Remember these words: "Women want to GET married. They do not want to BE married."
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Permalink Reply by K.G. on -
Listen to this. remember that female Erykah Badu. Rememeber she used to talk all that educated, pro-woman, femininity, spiritual crap. Now that chic has three kids with three different dudes and aint never been married to nobody. And at one point she was held up as an inspiration to young black women; ha!!! Anyway, her tale is merely a representation of the devastating plague that has siezed all of America. We no longer give a damn about the FAMILY! We have become a society focused on instant gratification and selfish personal gains, two things that are in stark contrast to the principles of the successful family.
Another thing that hurts marriage and the family is that parents do a terrible job of preparing their kids for marriage. Married people always try tp portray marriage as being the PERFECT establishment. You know, that "we never fight" or "love is all you need" or "once I met your mother/father, I knew we would be together forever" crap. A lot of people take this type of nonsense as truth. They actually believe in that Cosby show fairytale mess, and feel that once they fall in love everything else will somehow magically fall into place. Then they get married and reality smacks them dead in the nose and they don't know how to deal with it. Why? Because they were never adequately prepared. The married people whom they had known throughout life had always tried to hide the fact that marriage is hard work that takes, just about, more effort than anything else you'll ever do. For some reason we seem to think that if we (as married people) say that marriage is hard, then we are somehow implying that we are in a bad marriage. Well I'm saying it, "Marriage is hard as hell!!!" But just like anything else worth having, it is well worth it.
70% of our children born to unwed mothers, wow! I wonder if Obama will fix this. I'll be the first to argue that many of our problems are the result of past and present racial injustice, but this one is solely on us and our poor decison making. Many people will try to lay blame for this epidemic on the on the black man and our destructive ways. But everytime I hear this argument I have to ask myself "Don't these females know the guy/s who they are dealing with before they get pregnant from them?" If you know a negro aint about nothin' or aint gonna hang around, and you still get pregnant from the dude, then you're the dummy! And if you don't find out what type of dude you got unitl after you're pregnant, then you didn't do your homework, and again, you're the dummy!!!
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Permalink Reply by Raymond C. Coleman on
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Get' em K.G! You nailed it. Outstanding post.
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Permalink Reply by Marc T. on -
This is a great post!
"Instant gratificatification" appears to be the cause of many of society's ills. The question is how do we stop it?.
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Permalink Reply by Raymond C. Coleman on
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I say "Contract Marriage." Instead of all that "until death do us part bullshi# and since marriage is now a legal construct and a way for women to "come up" at the expense of stupid men who ultimately end up getting nailed in the courts, I say make marriage a series of short term renewable contracts with renewal options and prenups already built in.
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Permalink Reply by K.G. on
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I don't believe that we can stop the demise of society. The bible has already told us how this thing is going to play out. What I do believe however, is that we can slow the demise. How? Now that is the million dollar question. My initial response is "significantly improve the parenting of today's youth." Theoretically this is a good answer, but when talking practicality, it sucks. How do you enforce "good" parenting? Who has the right to tell someone how they should raise their kids? So I guess I don't know how to cure society's ills. But I do know how to take care of mine and make sure that neither myself nor my family contributes to these ills. We need to start making people take parenting tests (like those personality or career tests), and if they fail they can't have kids. In many cases it isn't hard to identify people who are going to be bad parents. The funny thing is, these are often times the people who have the most kids. Aint that a trip! And when I say bad parenting I don't simply mean not loving or caring for your kids. Many bad parents love their children. But a bad parent is also one who doesn't teach the value education, doesn't teach respect for others, doesn't emphasize hard work, does stupid crap in the child's presence, uses the television as a baysitter, watches BET and listens to today's hip-hop with the kids, etc... If a child's role model is someone outside of the house (sports star, entertainer, etc...) then there's probably a bad parent somewhere nearby!
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Permalink Reply by Raymond C. Coleman on
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Permalink Reply by Raymond C. Coleman on
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http://www.newsmax.com/dr_laura/
Dr. Laura RSS ARCHIVE
For a Great Marriage, Learn the Four 'R's
Thursday, February 21, 2008 2:58 PM
By: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
You may have heard that fighting is part of a good marriage, but I feel fighting is more indicative of a bad marriage.
Sure, there are times when one spouse is strained, drained, and devastated by illness, an act of nature, a family problem, or something else that life has thrown at them. Although it's not unusual for people to behave badly during such times, two things must happen for a marriage to stay strong.
First, the non-"crazed" spouse needs to recognize his or her partner's condition and not add to the problem by personalizing the out-of-control behavior, becoming insecure or hurt, or competing for who has the most rights to be upset.
Instead, that individual needs to attempt to bring the temperature down with quiet hugs, a foot rub, reassurance, compliments, and maybe even a bath prepared.
For example, it is typical these days for young people in particular to have money troubles.
It seems that the concept of working hard toward something in the future has been replaced with the philosophy of having everything now. That might include buying a house before the foundation of financial substantiality has been built.
Parents are often "spoiling" their kids with huge gifts of money for down payments on a home that the couple can barely afford even when both have full-time jobs. This means the children are neglected, abandoned to day care, nannies, or baby sitters.
When the stress gets too high, the husband and wife often blame each other and pout about their sad lot.
This is the time to say something on the order of, "Honey, we both want lovely things like a home, nice cars, and more. And I believe we will get them. But right now, we have to rely on each other to get by without sacrificing our health, happiness, and home life. Let's wait until we can do this all more comfortably. I'm satisfied with having you in my life; everything else will come in its time."
I realize it takes a certain amount of maturity to make such a statement when one is disappointed. Nonetheless, when each of you can take a turn showing this level of compassion and commitment, the marriage will reflect that.
Second, when there is some difference in opinion — ferocious or mild — compromise with the person who feels the most passionate about their opinion. Your turn will come for a return of that favor.
Also, when there is a problem, don't think first about how to get your way and how angry you're going to be if you don't get it. A better way to solve the problem is to come up with some plan for making the other person feel better about the problem.
In fact, when you mess up — intentionally or not — the four "R"s are the lifeblood of a marriage:
1. Remorse: The true feeling in your heart and soul of regret for the damage and hurt you caused — without excuses and without blaming others for causing your actions.
2. Responsibility: Admitting to your actions, motives, and being willing to accept consequences and endure the other's pain and disdain until issues are resolved and feelings healed.
3. Repair: Do whatever you can, directly or indirectly, to repair the damage. Sometimes this is not possible — but perhaps you can find a meaningful way to pay back the universe by lecturing others about drinking and driving or drug use or abuse.
4. Repetition: Making the kinds of changes in your decisions, actions, and reactions that will definitely stand in the way of any repeat of the unpleasant actions.
This is necessary because people need to regain trust in you, and without your demonstration of effort, your words will seem empty.
A good marriage is both delicate and durable. Forgiveness will likely come once you've earned it.
It takes your willingness to treat your spouse as if you loved them with your last breath — no matter how you feel at any one moment. You need to think hard every day about how you can make their life worth living, and be the kind of person you would want to love, hug, come home to, and sacrifice for.
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